I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
