he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
