I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love you. Go after that dick
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize