Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize