youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
