Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
