i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
