I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
