So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
