I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize