evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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