Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
