you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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