GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You are a genius and a whore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
