ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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