There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
