My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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