What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
