Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
