Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
