She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
