Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
