You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
