Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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