Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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