Sponge bath it is.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize