I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize