dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
