Non-Jews are for practice
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
