So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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