So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
