I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
