Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
