That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
