Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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