Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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