I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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