I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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