It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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