Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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