Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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