I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
