She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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