i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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