I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His hands were made for my vagina.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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