This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They took my balls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
