You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
