I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
