I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
