I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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