I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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