Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize