Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
