Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
