I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
where am i from again
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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