New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
