this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my being single is dangerous.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
