Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
