i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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