My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
