apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
