I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
