mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
