Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
