so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
