OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
