if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
