Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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