Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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