I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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